Michael, a coachee, had shared how he had dealt with a situation of leadership and addressed the issues one of his team members had been bringing up.

As we discussed his approach, I shared how appreciative he seemed to be of others. It’s when he asked me if he always has to adjust to others and always has to go first.

His remark helped us unpack his perception of adjusting to others. He had tried to make everything right for this team member. He had chosen a process of figuring out what she wanted, finding a way to give it to her, and even seeking to become a bit more like her to make her feel more comfortable.

He was exhausting himself in trying to adapt to his team.

He had forgotten how different and unique everyone is. In his mind, it seemed that what he does, what he says and shares with others needed to be fully understood and accepted by others. He wanted to create similarity in the hope that it would reassure the team.

It is hard work to adjust to others. Even more so as we have to learn that it isn’t about being like others or doing what they want. What Michael needed to learn and be willing to do was to see his team members and get a sense of what they want and why. He needed to find a way to see all of this in such a way that his team members would feel seen.

But beyond this, he needed to be willing to be himself. He had to embark on a journey allowing him to know how similar and yet how different others are to him.