Quite often I see people asking for feedback in a very general manner.

It then often is a subtle request to have others care for oneself. That may happen by reminding them of their responsibility. Or it might be not giving feedback at all so that the person can assume that everything is fine. Naturally, as it is subtle, there still is the possibility to be angry at the received feedback when it doesn’t feel as good as they’d like it to be.

Another approach to choosing feedback is to pay attention to two things. First whom one is asking for feedback. And second, being clear about what one is asking feedback for. The what then comes with a clear description of the situation or idea one wants feedback on followed by a clear request as to what feedback one is seeking. Asking for such feedback gives the person giving feedback the possibility to give the feedback they are uniquely able to give.

It’s based on knowing that different people have different ways of giving feedback and will bring that into the conversation.

Someone asking for such feedback knows, that sometimes they need feedback from someone who knows their thinking in and out and thus will look for what is missing. Or remember that they need feedback from a contrarian position so that they can test their ideas and arguments against other positions. Or to think of creative people who always add a new association or idea to the existing. In knowing how others will share their feedback, the person asking for feedback can prepare herself to learn from the other. They are not focused on seeking other people’s applause.