A friend once shared with me that I needed to develop the ability to capture and keep his attention. Looking back, I see his comment as his ability to be vulnerable and generous.

Everyone is busy with their own objectives, thoughts, feelings, and challenges.

We must be busy with our own life.

There is no one else who can care as well and as much as we do. We might not always be successful at it, but we have the most complete data about ourselves, even if much of it may be hidden in blind spots.

Being busy with our own life can mean, busy with our reactions to others or the circumstances, busy with our future, busy with the past, busy with our expectations and the expectations we experience, or busy with our contributions, successes, and failures.

Being busy with our own life doesn’t mean that we are selfish. It doesn’t mean either that we don’t care about others or forget them. We are simply doing our job as well as possible and that requires all of our attention.

What my friend was sharing with me was exactly that.

He knows that his thoughts can drift away, that he might miss something I’d like him to do or that I might want his support with. He knows he cannot be attentive 24/7 and can’t read my mind. In our friendship, he made himself vulnerable enough to see it.

Knowing how busy we can be with ourselves his generosity lies in this vulnerability and in his invitation to catch his attention when needed. He was reminding me of his availability, that is, of his willingness to also be “busy with me”.